Pre-Wedding Jitters

As you move closer to the wedding day, you might start noticing several people other than your partner. The realization that wedding will involve and be followed by marriage—union of families, the official end of your bachelor(ette) life, commitment to one person for the rest of your life, sharing responsibilities—often comes as a bombshell.

Oftentimes, the wedding itself is stressful and accompanied by whims and expectations of several family and the pressure of getting the glam just right! The logistics of preparation-related responsibilities, need for perfectionism, and preservation of the family’s reputation and image might shift focus from the bigger picture to tiny and irrelevant details, leading to frustration, excessive attention to negative events, and doubting/second-guessing your decision to marry and otherwise. This is known as confirmation bias.

"Pre-wedding jitters or cold feet" are characterized by a feeling of uncertainty around moving forward with the wedding. You might experience physical signs of distress owing to uncertainty associated with the future.

More often than not, this gives way to physical and emotional distance between you and your partner. You might catch yourself focusing on relationship problems and red flags or even be afraid to repeat your parents’ mistakes. Eventually, you might even start to think that you are getting married too quickly. Providentially, the following finding by Coleman (2020) might come to your rescue. "There is no right amount of time that will determine a relationship's success or failure. Couples who feel confident and committed [but have been together for shorter periods of time] have just as good a chance of success as those who have been together a long time—maybe even better."

Ways to Cope with Pre-Wedding Jitters

1. Bring back focus to yourself.

2. Breathe. Engage yourself in deep breathing; take 3-5 deep breaths. This will give you the space to calm down before responding (vs. impulsively reacting) to distress.

3. Focus on your appetite. People tend to get the glam right at the cost of meals and adequate sleep. Eat a snack and get some sleep to avoid physical exhaustion and burnout.

4. See your therapist.

5. Direct focus toward you and your partner outside of the wedding.

6. Wedding-free zone. Allot an hour or two every day to do things that bring you joy (watching a movie, dancing, cooking a meal, etc.) without talking about marriage.

7. Talk to other newly married couples and share your experiences with them. This might provide you with validation, reassurance, and a new perspective.

8. In case of a disagreement, make a pros and cons list and discuss it with your partner. It is easier to set boundaries with other members of the family when you and your partner are on the same page.

9. Delegate responsibilities while considering/playing on people’s strengths and weaknesses. Scale back the wedding in case the event is practically and economically difficult to manage.

10. It is your day. Bring back focus to enjoying the bigger picture rather than spending excessive energy on tiny details and whims and expectations of family members. Micromanaging various aspects of the wedding might add to distress and eventually lead to burnout. 

Trust yourself to be able to embrace the change and adapt to it one step at a time.